


the crow's nest diner

by ignisgayentia



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Canon Compliant, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mild Crack Fic, Pranks, Road Trip Era, Salt and Pepper Diner AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23414842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignisgayentia/pseuds/ignisgayentia
Summary: Prompto looks from the gil to the jukebox, an idea starting to form in his brain. “Huh. We could… essentially provide, like, most of the soundtrack for our dining experience.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully. “What a dangerous weapon to have.”Ignis chuckles menacingly, raising an eyebrow. “Indeed. Perhaps we should teach our darling prince a lesson? I do wonder how long it will take for Noct to realize he’s listening to the same song endlessly...”
Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 22
Kudos: 107
Collections: Eos Compendium





	the crow's nest diner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SongOfMarbule](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongOfMarbule/gifts).



> sooo this was originally written for the eos compendium zine! i wanted to write something with a little bit of humor in it, and a little bit of promnis. based off of the comedy sketch [salt and pepper diner by john mulaney](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnkrL42R7gk) (10/10 would recommend if you haven't listened to it already).
> 
> also, it's a good friend [callie's](https://twitter.com/moonkissedstars) birthday today! so i wanted to dedicate this fic to her. she's always providing such wonderful promnis content and organizing wonderful events, and she's a sweet, caring, and passionate friend to have! i hope you have a wonderful day, i hope some promnis might cheer you up during these wild times.

Prompto is  _ bored. _

Not many valiant deeds result from Prompto’s boredom, but then again, there’s not much trouble Prompto can get into on a road trip with his three best friends -- not  _ much. _

Regardless, Prompto is pretty relieved when they’re seemingly done with battles for the day and Ignis pulls up to the Crow’s Nest Diner to get a bite to eat; there’s not much trouble Prompto can get into at a diner, of all places.

At least, that’s what Prompto assumes.

Both Gladio and Noctis are asleep in the backseat of the Regalia, unsurprisingly enough. Ignis had been driving for at least an hour, which usually knocks Noctis out. Prompto was too antsy to sleep, and of course, Ignis, being the handsome gentleman that he is, drove the entire way. 

Ignis had certainly driven longer distances. Still, Prompto’s grateful to Ignis; grateful, admiring, maybe just a  _ tiny _ bit infatuated -- but no one has to know that, of course. (No one except the drowsy prince in the backseat that Prompto whines about all of his problems to.)

Prompto turns in his seat to awaken said Sleeping Beauty, but not with true love’s kiss; he reaches in the backseat to flick Noctis’s ear, instead. This earns a whine from his best friend, who tries to kick Prompto, and utterly misses his mark in his groggy confusion.

“C’mon, Sleeping Beauty! I’m starving!” Prompto says with a laugh.

Gladio has risen at this point without any obnoxious wake up attempts (much to Prompto’s disappointment). He stretches out his limbs, looking over at Noctis with a teasing sort of fondness.

“He’ll need at least five minutes, we’ve been through this before,” Gladio says with a gruff laugh before poking Noctis, who lets out another whine.

Ignis -- the ever-handsome, ever-elegant  _ Ignis -- _ cuts the engine of the Regalia, tilting his head toward Prompto. “Well, shall we head inside and leave them to it, Prompto?”

“True! We can grab the best booth in there. Let’s go,” Prompto says excitedly, practically jumping at the chance to get out of the car, tumbling out of the door awkwardly.

Prompto swears he hears a gentle chuckle come from Ignis, but that certainly could just be wishful thinking (very,  _ very  _ wishful thinking). Still, Prompto can’t help but grip Ignis’s wrist with a smile as they head inside the diner. If Ignis minds, he doesn’t show it.

The Crow’s Nest here looks exactly like every other Crow’s Nest diners they’ve been to out here on the road, desperate enough to fill their bellies with diner food to satisfy their hunger. (Prompto remembers fondly the first time he watched the prince, his advisor,  _ and  _ his shield all indulge in greasy fast food -- it was like a religious experience. Then again, Noct always has eaten terrible food, much to Ignis’s disappointment.) 

There’s the pinball and video game machines in the corner, the array of booths on one side with the kitchen and stools on the other. There is, however, one difference in this particular Crow’s Nest Diner that Prompto hasn’t seen in the others (or at least he hadn’t noticed, which is entirely possible -- Prompto can get distracted at times). 

“Well, well, would you look at that?” Ignis comments, the first to point it out. There’s a tiny smile on his face. “You don’t see those every day, that’s for certain.”

Prompto eyeballs the jukebox in the opposite end of the diner like it’s a treasure chest. He’s pretty sure he’s never seen one like that up close and in real life; the technology’s so outdated.

“Oh em gee! That’s so cool,” Prompto gushes, dragging Ignis over to the jukebox along with him.

“Shall we play something?” Ignis suggests, still that playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

It takes Prompto way too long to look away from Ignis’s handsome face.

“Sure. Oh, dang. Look at that. They’ve got a special going on. Three songs for one gil. Can’t beat that!” Prompto laughs.

Ignis raises an eyebrow, pulling a handful of gil from his pocket. “Well, that certainly provides us a lot of choices, with as much as we have to spare.”

Prompto looks from the gil to the jukebox, an idea starting to form in his brain. “Huh. We could… essentially provide, like, most of the soundtrack for our dining experience.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully. “What a dangerous weapon to have.”

Ignis chuckles menacingly, raising an eyebrow. “Indeed. Perhaps we should teach our darling prince a lesson? I do wonder how long it will take for Noct to realize he’s listening to the same song endlessly...”

“Are we suggesting torturing  _ ourselves  _ just to mess with Noct?” Prompto asks with a laugh. He actually doesn’t even care, though; just the experience of Ignis being playful with him like this is reward enough. Ignis doesn’t nearly let loose as often as he should, in Prompto’s opinion.

“I’ve done far worse to him.” Ignis winks.

“Really?!” Prompto nearly squeaks excitedly. “Man, Igster, you gotta tell me some stories sometime.”

“I would love to.” Butterflies flood through Prompto as Ignis’s eyes travel from him back to the jukebox. “Now, all we must do is to decide  _ which _ particular song would truly grate on one’s nerves that many times.”

“Hmm,” Prompto begins, still laughing a little as he scrolls through the jukebox selections. Most of the songs would be particularly awful after a few runs, but he finds one in particular that he can’t help but grin at. “Got it.  _ The Chocobo Song.” _

Ignis barks out a laugh. “Excellent.” He hands Prompto all of the gil. “Select that song every time.”

Prompto can’t stop laughing at Ignis’s excitement over this. “You got it. Holy crap, this is going to be, like, 20 plays!” Prompto slaps the jukebox. “He’s going to  _ kill _ us.”

Ignis snaps his fingers as he apparently thinks of another idea. “Wait, Prompto. In the middle of the plays, let’s give him a false sense of relief and play a different song entirely.” Ignis chuckles, bringing a finger to his lips. “Then return to playing _The_ _Chocobo Song_?”

Prompto gasps at Ignis’s evil genius. “Shit, what song should we do?” Prompto frantically starts scrolling through the song catalog. “Ooh, here. We’ll do  _ Stand by Me _ for one round _.” _

“Very innocent, yes. Hurry along, I believe they’re on their way inside by now,” Ignis urges, smirking.

“Okay, we’re gonna play, like, 10 more  _ Chocobo Songs  _ after that,” Prompto says hurriedly, pressing in as many songs as they can afford. “Okay, done! Let’s go sit down.”

It’s Ignis who grips Prompto’s wrist this time, hurrying them into a booth so that Noctis and Gladio are none the wiser. Ignis slides in first, tugging Prompto’s wrist down so he can sit just as Noctis and Gladio walk in, ringing the bell above the door.

Deliciously enough, the remaining song left playing on the jukebox ends just as Noctis and Gladio slide into the opposite end of the booth from Ignis and Prompto. The first playthrough of _The_ _Chocobo Song_ starts playing, and Prompto has to resist the urge to _not_ burst into laughter. Prompto peeks a glance at Ignis, and even his lips are pressed into a suspiciously tight line.

“What are you grinnin’ about?” Gladio asks Prompto as they all order their meal.

Prompto starts playing with the napkin on the table as he tries to play it cool. “Just happy to get outta that car, man! I’m sure Iggy can relate, right?”

“Indeed. That trip seemed a bit longer than usual,” Ignis responds smoothly.

“Gods, I hate this song. Can’t wait ‘til it’s over,” Noctis comments, much to Prompto’s delight. “It was only, like, an hour, wasn’t it?”

Prompto shifts in his seat, not wanting to draw attention to himself as he internally amuses himself over Noctis’s complaint. “It seemed a lot longer.”

“You wouldn’t know, Your Highness, you were asleep the entire ride, were you not?” Ignis teases.

“Not my fault. Car rides are boring when you’re not driving,” Noctis retorts.

“Perhaps,” Ignis allows.

By the second playthrough of  _ The Chocobo Song, _ neither Gladio nor Noctis notice the song seemingly playing again on a loop. Prompto knows the calm before the storm won’t last very long, but he can’t help but strain to hold in his laughter, knowing what he knows. 

“Seriously, what’s  _ up _ with you?” Noctis asks, tossing a straw wrapper at Prompto playfully.

“Nothin’! Just hungry,” Prompto says, tossing the straw wrapper right back.

Ignis elbows him playfully under the table, causing Prompto’s smile to widen. This is  _ way _ too much fun.

By the third and a half playthrough of the song, Gladio starts looking around confusedly. “Huh. This song is  _ way _ longer than I remember.”

“It’s  _ always _ long,” Noctis whines. “Doesn’t help that Prom sings it  _ whenever _ we ride a chocobo.”

Prompto snickers, knowing that his plan with Ignis is going swimmingly. “It’s catchy!” he insists. “And we definitely do  _ not  _ ride enough chocobos, dude. We should fix that.”

“Chocobos are wonderful creatures,” Ignis adds, taking a sip of his water, purposefully missing the point entirely as he hides a smirk behind his glass. 

Their dinner shows up by the time  _ The Chocobo Song  _ is halfway through the fourth playthrough. The dinner distracted Noctis and Gladio enough to not comment on the song playing again, but as soon as the song ends and starts up again, several other people in the diner even start to groan. 

Gladio slams his hand on the table. “ _Dammit,_ ” he mutters. “Someone’s playing the stupid song over and over.”

“I thought it was just really long,” Noctis teases, frowning despite his words. “Gods, this is what purgatory is like.”

Ignis very nearly chokes on the water he sips. “I think it’s rather lovely.” His voice is much higher than normal. The lie is apparent to even Prompto, who has all the trouble in the world reading Ignis.

Prompto can’t hold back his laugh, turning it into a cough as he tries to eat a few fries. “Yeah. Someone must  _ really  _ like this song.”

Noctis’s brow furrows as he levels a glare at Prompto. “Did  _ you _ do this?!”

“Do what? No way, I’ve been with Iggy the whole time. Where would I have the money?”

“Kid’s got a point. He’s got no money,” Gladio says. “Still, everyone in here looks like they’re ready to burn the place down, so I dunno who else it could be.”

Prompto looks around. Surely enough, by the time the sixth opening jingle of  _ The Chocobo Song _ fills the diner, people look thoroughly either nauseated or murderous, sometimes both. The cook behind the counter looks like he’s ready to not only leave this job but leave this plane of existence, as well. 

“Yeah, someone must’ve done it and ran,” Prompto says, tone far too innocent, shrugging. Ignis elbows him again, and Prompto has to choke down another laugh-disguised-as-a-cough.

“Can we take this food to go?” Noctis starts to groan. “If I hear this one more time I’m gonna ban it when I take the throne.”

“I think it’s only played, like, three times. Song must be like, the non-radio version. Suuuuper long.” Prompto is certain at this point his face is nearly beet red trying not to laugh.

“I have a damn headache,” Gladio mutters in agreement, taking a bite of his burger. 

“Now, now, the song might be on its last legs,” Ignis points out. “It’s worth waiting out, I presume. But if not, we can certainly leave, Your Highness.” There’s a certain air of false manners to his tone, indicating to Prompto that Ignis is  _ totally _ lying.

Prompto falls even more for the tactician, if possible.

They manage to make it through the end of the ninth playthrough of  _ The Chocobo Song _ , and as the jukebox starts to play  _ Stand By Me,  _ sighs of relief fill the diner, including from Noctis and Gladio. Noctis buries his face on the diner table, screaming into the crook of his arm as Gladio throws his head back and makes a face that is  _ definitely _ not diner appropriate at the change of song.

“Ah, there we are,” Ignis notes, his tone  _ absolutely  _ wickedly amused by now, “patience is often rewarded.” He takes another sip of water to hide yet another smirk on his face.

Prompto beams at Noctis and Gladio. “Guess the worst is over, huh?”

Prompto and Ignis bask in their hard-fought victory as the peace-offering song plays all the way. As the song fades, there’s a silent energy in the diner that is so negatively charged, Prompto  _ nearly _ loses his mind trying not to laugh. He feels pressure on his leg, and realizes Ignis’s hand has made its way over, squeezing his thigh reassuringly as an amused smile gently teases Ignis’s lips. Prompto slides his hand under the table, squeezing Ignis’s hand back as they prepare for the upcoming onslaught.

Surely enough,  _ The Chocobo Song _ ’s opening jingle once again fills everyone’s ears. Several people get up and leave, completely abandoning their plates of food. Several cuss words are emitted from adults as a child’s parent isn’t quick enough to cover the child’s ears.

The diner employee cries out, “I don’t get paid enough for this  _ shit _ .”

Prompto almost feels bad at that one --  _ almost. _

“ _ No,”  _ Noctis nearly gasps, staring at the jukebox like he could melt it with some sort of laser vision. “That’s it. This song is banned in all of Lucis.”

Gladio, at this point, doesn’t say anything; he simply looks as though he’s about to physically rip the jukebox away from the wall and launch it into orbit. Prompto’s pretty sure he could do it, too.

Ignis starts to chuckle, truly letting the joke get the best of him. Prompto looks over, and he’s never seen Ignis look so  _ carefree. _ Ignis’s eyes nearly shut with the force of his laughter, and it’s then when Prompto realizes having to hear damn near one-hundred playthroughs of  _ The Chocobo Song _ is worth it (even Prompto can admit that it’s getting a little annoying at this point).

“You!” Noctis cries out at Ignis, sticking a finger out at him. “ _ You _ did this.”

“I did nothing of the sort,” Ignis lies smoothly, “I didn’t select  _ this  _ particular song to play.”

Prompto lets out a snort, betraying himself in the process. Technically, Ignis isn’t even lying about that. He’s thoroughly impressed at how well Ignis can partake in shenanigans -- he makes a mental note to definitely include him in his schemes against Noctis from now on.

“Seriously?” Gladio grumbles, his amber eyes falling on Prompto. “Iggy put you up to this, didn’t he? He give you the gil?”

Prompto can’t respond, as yet  _ another _ playthrough of the song fills the diner. Prompto and Ignis burst into laughter from there on out, as their companions’ faces are so distraught and murderous, there’s no way they can hold in laughter anymore. 

“I’m going to kill you  _ both,” _ Noctis whines. “Arresting you for treason.”

“Son of a bitch,” Gladio snaps, sliding out of the booth angrily.

At first, Prompto thinks Gladio is about to pounce on them both, but he walks past the both of them in favor of heading toward the jukebox. Prompto turns his torso around in the booth to watch as Gladio yanks the plug from the wall, shutting the jukebox off. There are several sighs of relief, and the person working there actually  _ thanks _ Gladio. 

Prompto’s almost certain that he’ll launch the jukebox into orbit soon enough, but for now, Gladio’s vicious attention is on both Prompto and Ignis instead of the jukebox.

Prompto takes one look at Gladio’s ferocious gaze and he scatters, despite how hard he’s giggling still. He squeezes Ignis’s hand, yelping just as Noctis lunges for him, too. Prompto very narrowly dodges the prince’s grasp.

“C’mon, Iggy! Let’s get outta here!” Prompto yells, laughing so hard he almost forgets to keep a tight grip on Ignis’s hand.

Ignis follows him out of the booth, managing to slip away from Gladio’s pounce just as he nears them both. Prompto tugs on Ignis’s hand harder, not wanting Ignis to become a victim to jukebox crimes either. 

The two of them laugh as they run out of the diner to make their escape. Prompto’s never laughed so hard in his life; they run outside, past the Regalia and around the corner. Gladio and Noctis don’t seem to be chasing them just yet, but they keep running anyway, their fingers still laced together as they head across the street to the abandoned building across from the diner. 

They finally stop, a bit breathless, as soon as they manage to reach the back of the abandoned building. They both lean against the wall, trying to catch their breath from both running  _ and _ laughing. 

“Bloody hell,” Ignis says with a breathless chuckle, “I didn’t know it would rile them up all  _ that _ much.”

Prompto shakes his head, wheezing a little as he leans against Ignis. “Dude, me either. That was  _ priceless.” _

“That was wonderful,” Ignis murmurs, slowly recovering from their excursion. “I haven’t had that much fun since I was far younger.”

Prompto looks over at him, and their eyes lock. Ignis’s eyes look so pretty in the sunlight, a bright green, and Prompto finds himself wondering just what sort of trouble Ignis used to get into when he was a kid. He wonders how good of friends they would’ve been if Prompto hadn’t been too scared to talk to Noctis until high school. 

“I seriously missed out on some stuff then, huh?” Prompto asks with a smile. “We should team up more often, Igster.”

Ignis smiles softly. “Not missed out, no, simply hadn’t arrived yet.” He shoves their shoulders together playfully. “We’re due to make up for lost time.” 

Prompto bites his lip. “I’ll say.”

Ignis sighs, finally catching his breath. “Thank you for that, Prompto.”

“No, thank  _ you,” _ Prompto insists. “Had no idea you were such a mastermind.”

Ignis can’t seem to peel his gaze away, and Prompto practically devours it. He reaches out and rejoins their previously separated hands. “There’s quite a lot you’ve yet to discover about me.”

Prompto’s heart thuds erratically in his chest. He knows Ignis probably meant that  _ platonically _ , but he can’t help but overreact to the suggestion laced in his tone. Prompto squeezes his hand back, smiling shyly back at Ignis.

“Yeah? That sounds like fun, I won’t lie,” Prompto says, letting his voice lilt with the same suggestive tone as Ignis. He knows it probably sounds like crap compared to Ignis’s gorgeous, velvety accent, but he’s got to  _ try. _

“Does it?” Ignis turns to face Prompto fully with his entire body as he pushes his glasses up his nose, causing butterflies to flutter through Prompto’s stomach.

“It does. Under one condition, though.” Prompto laughs nervously at how intimate they’re being right now, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Ignis raises an eyebrow. “And what condition might that be, dear Prompto?”

“You,” Prompto begins, poking Ignis’s chest, “ _ always _ gotta be on  _ my _ team. If you mess with me, then we’re done.” His tone is far too teasing to be the menacing one he was going for.

Ignis chuckles, squeezing Prompto’s hand. “You have my word, then. Loyal to you, and you only, is it?” He smirks.

Prompto finds himself nodding. “Team Prompto and Iggy for life.” He sobers as he realizes just how beautiful Ignis really is, and how happy he is to be in his company, especially when Ignis is declaring  _ exclusive _ loyalty to a commoner like himself. “I haven’t seen you that happy before. It’s a good look for you, Igster.”

Ignis’s face seems a bit more flushed than before, looking off into the distance for a moment as he waves Prompto off dismissively. “Now, now. Nonsense.”

“No, I’m serious,” Prompto murmurs, lifting their hands so he can press his lips to the back of Ignis’s. “You’re gorgeous. And… you have the  _ prettiest _ smile, dude. You should use it more often.”

Ignis’s lips part with surprise just as his eyebrows rise, and the flush increases tenfold on his cheeks. He appears as if he’s struggling with words for several moments. “I could certainly say the same to you,” Ignis decides on finally. 

“Nah, I’m not much.” Prompto snorts. “But thanks, man.”

Ignis is silent for a moment, which makes Prompto a little nervous, until Ignis murmurs softly, “May I kiss you, Prompto?”

Prompto’s heart nearly stops.

“Holy shit,  _ really?” _ Prompto blurts before he can even think about Ignis’s question. He sort of feels as if he’s in a fever dream. 

Ignis seems to misunderstand. He breaks their hands apart sheepishly, ducking his head. “Forgive me, Prompto, I seem to have read the room wrong--”

Prompto starts to panic. Of  _ course _ as soon as he gets lucky enough to earn such a question from Ignis, Prompto absolutely  _ blows _ it. Prompto can’t seem to find the right words to say. Instead, he dives right back in toward Ignis, closing the distance between them easily. He reaches out and grips Ignis’s suspenders with both hands to pull Ignis in for a kiss.

As soon as their lips touch, Ignis makes the most adorable surprised noise before slowly wrapping his arms around Prompto. Prompto sighs contentedly against the softness of Ignis’s lips, their kiss being everything he’s fantasized about and more. Ignis’s arms, low around Prompto’s waist, tighten their grip, pulling Prompto against him even further. Prompto’s already racing heart sprints even faster.

Their lips part after a moment of getting lost in each other for far longer than Prompto anticipated -- not that he’s  _ complaining. _ It takes all of his self control not to immediately dive back in. 

Prompto beams at him instead, unable to control his excitable energy. “Sorry, I, uh… you  _ definitely  _ didn’t read the room wrong.” He laughs a little nervously despite the confidence his bold gesture presented. 

Ignis’s returning smile is nearly as bright, his cheeks flushed and lips thoroughly kissed. “I’m quite glad for that. Apologies for my overreaction.” He reaches out, a gloved thumb gently tracing Prompto’s cheekbone as he hums contentedly. “We’ll have to do this more often, indeed.”

Prompto reaches up to keep Ignis’s hand on his cheek. “I kinda feel like I’m dreaming, not gonna lie.”

“I can certainly relate,” Ignis responds, his features sombering. 

Prompto lets his jaw drop slightly. “Seriously? I’m wild about you, dude. Always have been.”

Ignis laughs, ducking his head for a moment. “I… can certainly relate,” he repeats, lifting his head to smirk at Prompto.

Prompto laughs along with him. “Cute.” He shoves Ignis playfully. “Guess we gotta go give Noct and Gladio our peace offerings, huh?”

Ignis leans in, capturing Prompto’s lips for yet another kiss as a response. Prompto can’t exactly complain; kissing Ignis is suddenly his utmost favorite thing to do, now that he knows just how wonderful it truly is. Prompto’s fingers end up gently carding through the soft strands of Ignis’s hair, unable to get enough of him.

They’re interrupted by loud footsteps, and Noctis yelling, “Shit, Gladio, I found ‘em!” 

Prompto barely has time to react before Noctis’s arms wrap around him from behind, yanking him away from Ignis in order to be torturously tickled by the Prince of Lucis.

“Yeah, just ‘cause you guys are being all cute over here doesn’t mean I’m not gonna kick your ass,” Noctis says with a laugh.

Prompto’s wheezing with laughter for an entirely different reason now, as Gladio tries to pull Ignis in for a headlock, which Ignis elegantly dodges.

Prompto and Ignis’s eyes lock, smiles plain on their faces. 

It was  _ totally _ worth it. Prompto can’t  _ wait  _ to get his hands on the Regalia’s fancy stereo system.

**Author's Note:**

> go read [callie's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongOfMarbule/pseuds/SongOfMarbule) stuff!! it's soooo good
> 
> my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ignisgayentia) and [tumblr](http://ignisgayentia.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
